First glance commands powerful first impressions. The cute art alone already reminds me of two anime titles, Tenshi ni Narumon (I’m Gonna Be An Angel) and Card Captor Sakura—both of which I hold very close to my heart for the fond memories they bring. The interface makes you think that this could very well be good for TV. I mean, look at it! SD modes, psychotic females, hilarious Ranma ½ situations…

But it all goes downhill from there. What can I say? Characters are bleh: two-dimensional and bordering on annoying. There’s nothing you haven’t seen in past anime shows, especially if you’re one who has been watching japanimation since the 70s. Yusuke is a sissy boy (read: effeminate), who, by some sort of twisted luck, gets to choose among a bevy of fuckable girls. I am not even sure if it’s women he should be boinking at all! Or maybe he won’t be coming out of the closet until he’s about 25 or so. The girls…Asumi is unreasonable, violent, and does, in fact, mirror Akane of Ranma and Narusegawa of Love Hina—the two brainless nitwits that punch first and ask later. Faint-hearted Tomoe is, for lack of a better word, dull. All she does is sigh and be nice and pretty and helpless. Boy, do men with knight-in-shining-armor complex love that! Nonchalant Marumu, who delivers her comical lines with a deadpan expression, is probably the only saving grace among the three main ladies. And even then, she doesn’t get much exposure. Thank gawd, there’s still Toshibo, the cat. It’s ironic that someone who couldn’t speak anything more than “meow” should be the one bringing some semblance of sanity into this package.

You mix a few more girls into the fray, have them fawn over our cakeboy and there you have it! Heart de Roommmate’s basic recipe. Good Lord, can we just drop the Love Hina scenarios already? Frankly, they’re getting old.

I could sum up the story and the hentai scenes in one word: juvenile. Well, at least, for my tastes they are. Their problems are overrated. The characters make mountains out of molehills. The solutions to dilemmas are too convenient. And they look like twelve-year-olds, which make me think that they shouldn’t even be having sex in the first place. Not that there’s anything spectacular in the hentai sequences. It’s the usual stuff, though they’re a bit milder than the more adventurous bgame h-scenes. You’d think the secret routes would at least bring a little excitement, but no. I was just too immersed in ennui to care. To illustrate how bored I was, imagine me setting Heart de Roommate on auto-forwarding mode while I do my thing in the john. Heck, I even went out for a walk so that my gray matter could get the much needed oxygen that this game deprived me of.

Game features include auto-forwarding (Hallelujah!), voice and sound settings, message speed settings, options to skip previously read messages (Gloria! Gloria! Gloria!), CG gallery, an album listing that lets you relive your favorite scenes, and full screen window modes. Gameplay’s the usual clickathon, but thank heavens they don’t make you choose which floors or classroom or whatever area of the campus you wanna go to, only to find that there’s nothing to do in the place of your choice…and then be promptly shown the same selection. Those kinds of dead-end paths are so damn irritating and I’m grateful I didn’t find them here.

If you’re an avid fan of bishoujo games, knock yourself out. You just might enjoy Heart de Roommate. But if you want a real bgame challenge, go and play Brave Soul.

Individual Rating: Art/Animation: 8 Story/Plot: 5 Characters: 5 Sounds: 7 Gameplay: 6 Ecchi Level: 8

Title: Hitomi ~ My Stepsister
Genre: Dark
Platform: Windows XP/Me/98/2000
Credits: 2004 Mercure / G-Collections
Shop: Hitomi CD-ROM, Hentai Game Shop, Hentai Item Shop

Cover Description:
What happens when your dad suddenly announces he’s getting re-married and brings home a sexy wife and a beautiful daughter? Life suddenly changes…

This fragile girl, Hitomi, brings a feminine scent to our home. Everytime she walks in, her sensuality awakens my darkest desires. I love you Bro…I’ll be a good girl, so please don’t hate me.

She wants me. I know it. What do I do?

For a dark bishoujo game, Hitomi is pretty much a bag of surprises. See, there are three women you can actually end up with: Hitomi, the default; Yoko, Hitomi’s mother; and Yuki, your secret love. I got Yuki’s real ending on my first run through the game, and it was anything but dark. It was bizarre, perverted, somewhat fun and exhilarating. Yuki will strike you as an innocent virgin at first, but you will come to realize later on that she loves experimenting. That’s why the only clue I had about the darkness of this game was the background music, which are incredibly haunting and poignantly beautiful.

Yoko’s path leads you to unearth a terrible past that causes a schism between the mother and the daughter. She can also throw you in for a loop, so I can’t say that her path is old and trite despite the woman’s age. If you can get past the several degrees of incestuous scenes, her road could be quite interesting.

Unfortunately, the main girl, Hitomi, has the longest, most tedious direction. Her ending is boring, convenient, and almost pathetic. Hitomi is any red-blooded pervert’s dream sex slave. You can do anything to her and she’ll let you get away with it. Can you say doormat? It doesn’t help that she seems to be the most nondescript among your three choices. Truth be told, the game wouldn’t be so good if it weren’t for the supporting characters Yoko and Yuki, so I don’t really understand why Hitomi got the title.

The first things you will notice in Hitomi are the breathtakingly exquisite artwork and amazingly chic layout. The fonts and graphics used for the game navigation are actually quite something to look at, since it’s a fresh change from the usual lifeless nav bars. The backgrounds are rendered in 3D and the artists obviously took a lot of pains making the scenery unique. The concept is just fantastic! I can’t get over how charming the protagonist’s house is. It didn’t look like your typical modern-style Japanese house, but is instead a nice, cozy-looking, red brick house. The character designs are pretty as well, with Yuki being my personal preference in terms of looks.

The gameplay isn’t too bad either. Of course, it’s still the regular digital novel game, with the extra CGs and auto/hands-free mode. What’s different about this game, however, is the Flow Option in the main menu that lets you see the selection trees. If you follow the branches and forks in the trees, you won’t need to make use of a walkthrough. I find this pretty convenient, especially when I was mapping Yoko’s and Hitomi’s endings.

One minor annoyance I have about Hitomi is the Virtual Mate system. It took me quite sometime to get it running, thanks to my very slow internet connection. I don’t really see the point of needing an internet connection for a game that’s not even considered an MMO (massively multi-player online game). Furthermore, you can only install it on 3 PCs and you can use one username and password for all three. Does this mean, I can’t give this title away or sell it? I question the security features of a system like this because, being someone who works for an MMOG company, I am not about to divulge my username and password to anyone. It also states in the License Certification Term that it looks like I’d have to wait for two years before the usernames and passwords will no longer be needed. I pity the stores that sell used/second-hand video games. Other than these minor peeves, I think the game is fine. It’s possibly one of the best games G-Collections have to offer.

Update September 08, 2005: As of this writing Virtual Mate systems are being removed from the games. You may now get this game sans the annoyance.

Individual Rating: Art/Animation: 9 Story/Plot: 8 Characters: 8 Sounds: 8 Gameplay: 8 Ecchi Level: 9

Title: Idols Galore
Genre: Bishoujo
Platform: Windows XP/Me/98/2000
Credits: 2004 Sekirara / G-Collections
Shop: Idols Galore CD-ROM, Hentai Game Shop, Hentai Item Shop

Help Menu Description:
You’re making managerial decisions for superstar idols in the industry. A real taste of celebrities… The industry is now in your hands, with sexual perks galore. The stars are ready to entertain you. Indulge in the delightful joys life has to offer, anyway you want… Whether it’s on the set, in the office, or any place of your choosing, make it impossible for these babes to resist you.

Rowena Lei and I were just discussing it the other day, it seems that G-Collections games aren’t exactly worth playing. Her exact words were: “(1) Just another shallow, ridiculously easy, and repetitive girl-chasing game; and (2) just another dark, demented, and abuse-themed girl-victimizing game. Of course, there are those very rare occasions where they actually release a game with an actual *gasp* plot like Kana, Private Nurse, and Crescendo…”

I would have to agree with her.

I didn’t have high expectations when I picked up Idols Galore. From the title alone, you’d think you’d be faced with a bevy of idols. But no. It seems their idea of “galore” is a number that doesn’t go beyond your counting fingers. The girls can generally be categorized into three groups: (1) robust, mature women, who are so stiff when they’re hell-bent on doing their jobs, but are actually wild cats in business suits; (2) violent young girls, who like acting tough but melt when you touch them; and (3) your signature meek/conservative/dainty blue-haired doormat with stars in her eyes. I’d like to comment on Megumi’s number one abnormality, though. Why does she keep resting her hands on the sides of her boobies? It’s so unnatural. Does she have trouble adjusting to her breast implants?

The guy, Kuro, whose only saving grace is that his hair looks good, is an absolute asshole. Managerial decisions? What a laugh! Well, if exploiting and sexually abusing women are stellar examples of managerial decisions, then now we know how top-notch CEOs work. Whoever designed this dude probably defines deviousness as getting away with situations that only a moron, who has been exposed to nothing but badly-written porn, would believe. I mean, come on! Kuro is the kind of man who rapes a girl, acts kindly towards his victim, then, thinking that he has gotten to her good side, asks her to give him a blow job because he doesn’t want to soil her costume.

Another one of his many brilliant thoughts go along the lines of: “She looks like she doesn’t wanna do it.” He is referring to the girl he just deflowered and he supposes that she doesn’t want to give him a blow job. Is this guy for real? I can’t believe someone could actually be this daft. She was a virgin, for crying out loud! The first time I saw a dick up close, I thought it was the ugliest thing I ever did see and yes, I had that horrified look on my face. In case you haven’t noticed, women don’t really like looking at it. It’s like beer; your liking for it develops after some time. What I can’t really swallow is that the author of this b.s. expects us to buy that this lead guy is a connoisseur of women. For once, I wanted to get in there and demonstrate how to use a pepper spray and how to land a well-placed kick in the groin.

All the usual stuff are in here. Blackmail (ho-hum). Rape (ho-hum). Lesbian scenes (ho-hum). Harem routes (ho-hum). No, I’m not looking for gargantuan displays of human depravity. I’m looking for a good story, creative ways of showing hentai scenes, and a memorable protagonist. Kuro is not devious. He is merely perverse—a walking rapist, according to Kyoka—while everyone else in the game is stupid.

The sex scenes are detailed, but they’re not always beautifully drawn. The art doesn’t really appeal to me since some of the girls lose their chins in many of the CGs. I’m also not quite satisfied with the fact that it’s always the guy who is shown enjoying oral sex. Oh, I forgot, most games like these are targeted towards men. By the way, have you checked the statistics lately? There are more women than men. (Ah, dear readers, remind me to introduce you to the wonderful world of female smut. Too bad most of those beautiful stories don’t get licensed easily. That’s why female closet hentai fans remain underground.)

Game features include a CG gallery, a Replay Scenes menu, and a music selection. There are only two BGMs worth listening to, however. “Again” and “Rear Window” are both played on the piano. Options include auto-forwarding and skipping read messages. Gameplay is pretty linear, even though there are “multiple paths”. It’s actually more of choosing a different course on two major forks. Needless to say, you’ll be relying on the skip message function about 70% of the time. The choices are no-brainers and most of the time, all you need is to pick the top option. There are about 5 different endings, not counting the bad, and the real ending can be unlocked if you manage to go through the Harem Route. I kind of found having a Harem Route funny because the normal mode already seems like the Harem Route. Kuro just can’t keep sticking to one viand for too long.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Idols Galore is supposed to be comical. I only wanted to sleep.

Individual Rating: Art/Animation: 7 Story/Plot: 6 Characters: 6 Sounds: 6 Gameplay: 7 Ecchi Level: 8

Title: I’m Gonna Nurse You / Kango Shicyauzo
Genre: Bishoujo Game / Fantasy
Platform: Windows XP,Me,98,2000
Credits: Trabulance / G-Collection
Shop: I’m Gonna Nurse You, Hentai Game Shop, Hentai Item Shop

Cover Description:
Let’s go to Saint Michael’s Nursing School!

Kango Shicyauzo is an adventure game utilizing a multi-ending system. Shinobu Nakagawa is a brand-new doctor at Saint Michael’s Nursing School. Experience what unfolds when he is unexpectedly transferred to the nursing school as a substitute teacher…! With cute nurse interns at every corner, the school is overflowing with philanthropic spirit. These babes are all waiting, so let’s go check it out!!

Shinobu is the hero in our story. During junior high school, his father and mother pass away, and he is taken in by the Maioka family. He aims at becoming an acclaimed doctor like his father was, and he sets out at Saint Michael’s General Hospital as a pediatrician. Life suddenly has many unexpected changes when he is transferred to Saint Michael’s Nursing School. Our hero’s foster mother, Kaede Maioka, was the first woman he ever fell in love with. He even proposed to her once, so he can never turn her down for anything. He loves little children, and he’s pretty lenient with girls.

I’m Gonna Nurse You is the first hentai game from Trabulance (distributed in the US by G-Collection) that I’ve played, and much to my cynical self’s chagrin, I realize that I absolutely enjoyed it. You play the role of a young doctor who has been volunteered by his setpmom to teach at Saint Michael’s Nursing school. Here you meet a lot of students who adore you so much they take pains devising ways of getting into your pants.

Sounds like your usual digital novel, doesn’t it? Look again. There’s the usual CG gallery, sound gallery, “replay sex scenes” gallery…and hm, what’s this? A totally kawaii lead character…no, no, not that! Let’s see…A module that actually allows you to cheat! No more searching high and low over the net for a decent walkthrough, for Kango Shicyauzo asks you if you want to see where your choices are going to drag you into.

You get treated to cute little eye catch sequences that transpire during scene transitions. But first you have to learn to turn this feature off. Much as it is cute during the first 2 to 3 instances, it will definitely become annoying in the latter parts, especially when you’re trying to get all the endings. To prevent yourself from wanting to scream sometime during your game, right-click your mouse to open a special menu. Here you’ll be able to turn off the eye catch scenes, fast forward through dialogues, fix your sound settings, save your game and so on.

The story isn’t much to speak of compared to other clickathons like Snow Drop and Divi-Dead, but what’s ascetically different about this game is that you are monogamous. Yes, that’s right. You have a lot of girls willing to go to bed with you, but you only get to have sex with one for every path you take—making each of the endings totally sweet and unbelievably romantic. My personal favorite is Kaede’s path, although I could understand other guys getting squeamish about this since Kaede happens to be the protagonist’s stepmother.

Ah…this line of thought brings me to my own personal squeamishness…which I’ve gotten over soon enough. See, I grew up in a private Catholic school and seeing Emi, Kangyo Shicyauzo’s resident preacher, act like an out-and-out nympho just seems out of place. Okay… Would a nun tell a problematic lovelorn girl, “Hmm, why don’t you show him how ‘womanly’ you can be!?” Not where I came from. Where I come from (which is the only predominantly Christian country in Asia), nuns who maintain secrets in the closet would prefer to keep hiding them—at least to the people who seek them out for guidance. This really feels weird because I remember having good-looking nuns for teachers and I can’t imagine wanting to jump them. Then again, what true nun would have half a head of hair sticking out like that? And you call her by her first name too. Real nuns usually change their names to something Biblical and you refer to them as “Sister [Insert Name Here]”. Emi not only wears her hair in a scandalous fashion, she also has a way of twisting God’s words as an excuse to engage in excessive sexual activities. I knew it. The girl is the devil in the most perfect disguise and because of this…I had fun viewing her replay gallery most. Ho ho ho.

Polygamous gamers, don’t fret! You can still get ALL of them when you play different scenarios, which I’m sure you will do because you will want to complete the CG collection. And if you’re still fretting, you might be glad to know that there is a “Secret Playboy Route”, also known as the “Harem Route”, that let’s you goof around with the other girls in the most hilarious ways possible. The dialogues are so exaggerated you can’t help but laugh!

Individual Rating: Art/Animation: 8 Story/Plot: 6 Characters: 8 Sounds: 8 Gameplay: 9 Ecchi Level: 9

Title: Kango Shicyauzo 2
Genre: Bishoujo Game / Comedy
Platform: Windows XP,Me,98,2000
Credits: 2003 Trabulance / G-Collection
Shop: Kango Shicyauzo 2, Hentai Game Shop, Hentai Item Shop

Help Menu Description:
I’ll give you lots of love and affection!

I, the horny priest, have been assigned to a nursing school! Luckily, I even get to live in a girls’ dorm! Cute girls are waiting for me, so come and join in the fun!

Living in a dorm, surrounded with cute nurses! What a life! Here is the second feature in this comedy game series, loaded with love and affection.

The only reason I enjoyed the first one is because it was a new concept…in its time. This second installment, however, is out and out an insult to Christianity everywhere. If you have any religious inclinations that involve Christ at the center, be warned that this title may offend you. (As if Eiji’s predatory manner isn’t already an abomination to women. Heh.) Don’t expect any realism in here whatsoever. How the stories are pieced together insults one’s intelligence. For instance, what stupid girl would change her clothes by the window, while the panes are wide open, and get mad at anyone who accidentally sees her? Only in PWP* games, my friends, only in PWPs. In the end, every girl deludes herself into thinking about children and such, when we all know the dude would have to leave priesthood if he decides to build a family. So if you plan to enjoy this, I suggest you turn your brain off.

The females, in general, are so juvenile it’s hard to believe they’re in college. I hardly remember everyone’s names, save for the “Italian” Eleana—who does not sound remotely Italian. Maria, Eiji’s boyhood crush, stood out, though. She is particularly endearing and it’s mostly because we share the same love for…food. Something about her also managed to surprise me during her first sex scene. Problem here is that there’s not much development before they finally do the act. The same could be said for all of the girls in this game.

Gameplay-wise, there is no automessaging unless you want to skip unread dialogues. In short: clickathon. The paths are also quite predictable, with the scenes being more or less the same right after the 6th choice. Like the Kango Shicyauzo 1 and many Trabulance games, this is made easy because of the hints and the character select screen. One complaint I have here is the inconvenience of having to use the install disc to re-run the game. What? Do I have to keep it on so I don’t have to switch discs all the time?

The art is pretty. The artists have removed the jagged edges, which were predominant in the first game, around the characters. The music improved quite a bit, because it now sounds like the people behind the scoring had lots of fun doing it. The jazzy ending theme positively tickles, especially with the sweet-seductive vocals crooning melodiously.

Lastly…

Eiji positively reeks in bed. You will never see him actually make love to a girl’s body. His idea of foreplay is to jam his fingers right into a girl’s netherparts. That’s it. And he says he pleasured 100 Italian women? I’m muffling evil sarcastic laughter right now. On the bright side, hentai lovers will probably like the fact that there’s a lot of sex and that there’s also a harem route.

*PWP = Plot, What Plot?

Individual Rating: Art/Animation: 8 Story/Plot: 6 Characters: 8 Sounds: 9 Gameplay: 7 Ecchi Level: 9

Title: Tsukushite Agechau 4 / I’m Gonna Serve You 4
Genre: Bishoujo / Romance / Comedy
Platform: Windows 98/ME/2000/XP
Credits: Trabulance / G-Collections
Shop: Tsukushite Agechau 4, Hentai Games, Hentai Item Shop

Help Menu Description:
Sweet Life With Cute, Devoted Waitresses!
My name is Koji Aoyama. I’m an ordinary guy living an uneventful life. One day, I’m in a car accident and hover between life and death. After being saved by a miracle, I return to my uncle’s restaurant. Familiar girls in cute waitress uniforms welcome me and tell me that I’m going to work at the restaurant and live with them under the same roof! I’m shocked, but wait a minute…am I lucky or what!?

About The Game System
“I’m Gonna Serve You 4″ is a command selection adventure game. This game utilizes a multi-ending system, where the stories progress and change according to command selections. It’s entirely up to you how the stories will unfold.