Sunday, July 4, 2010

Final Fantasy XIII (Girls on the Couch Review)

Girls on the Couch Talk:
Final Fantasy XIII

I just thought of having a different format for this particular review since I experienced playing Final Fantasy XIII with a group (the girls of ABMA61). I was attending their exhibit -- on official business -- when they approached me with the question, "What do you think of Final Fantasy XIII?"

Since I don't own a PS3 (Boo me!), I told them that I just wanted to see Lightning, the game's protagonist, and that I was girl-crushing on her. So they invited me over to one of their overnight sessions at Angeli's condo. Angeli (girl at the leftmost side of the couch) was insisting that the game is good, while Hanna (girl with dyed green hair) said that it was nothing more than eye candy. Juju (girl in the middle) insisted she was interested in something else. They would not stop bantering, exchanging opinions rather passionately so they turned to me. They wanted to know what I *really* think.

Two Saturdays later, they picked me up at Star Mall. There were about five of us, with Ice being the only dude in the car. When I thought of the Girls on the Couch review format, I was joking that maybe Ice could be our resident butch (he could pretend to be a girl that looks like a boy).

Anyhoo, these are the highlights of our gaming experience.

Hanna: See? All you do is just mash the circle button repeatedly.

Angeli: But the paradigm shift makes it interesting!

Me: *button mashing my way through* Um...I'm getting bored. When do I get to the paradigm shift? Better yet, when do we get to the meat of the game?

Juju: After you finish the first 10 chapters.

Ice: *imitates Vanille's voice in the background* Kyaaa! Uh-huh!

Hours later...

Juju: Let's just look at the character profiles.

*Everyone screams at the sight of Lightning turning her pretty head.*

Hanna: Since we're all getting bored, can we just go and look at Fang's profile?

Juju: Let's! Please! I wish we had a professor that looked like that.

*Everyone screams at the sight of Fang turning her handsome head.*

Ok. Here's how I summarized everyone's thoughts.

Battle System: If you thought that Final Fantasy XII bred lazy gamers, you can begin to imagine how much lazier you'd become with this game. It really is just circle button mashing. I also immediately noticed that the FF victory theme had been completely changed. (Bye bye Nobuo Uematsu?) In the 90s, people complained that FFVIII didn't feel like an FF game, but at least FFVIII retained many of what defined the previous FFs. One of them is music.

Audiovisuals: Speaking of music, we suppose the creators were veering away from the classic FFs but the sounds here are not as memorable as the ones done by Nobuo Uematsu. Sorry. As for the visuals? Everything is breathtakingly beautiful but...I swear Final Fantasy XIII is a monument to the 3D modelers' ego. (Sorry, I know that job's not easy but this is a game...)

Gameplay: What gameplay? Walking, circle-button mashing, and watching lots and lots of cut scenes do not constitute gameplay. Even the summons, though more interactive, have been relegated into this boring routine. We also pitied Shiva. I personally don't see anything cool about turning her hotness into a motorcycle that unappealing Snow sits on. Plus, everything's just so linear!

We think they forgot the actual game. This is a shame. We were happy that a kick-ass female character finally gets to play lead (Terra does not count), only to find out that a supposedly better Final Fantasy XIII (Versus) is coming out. Its lead is male.

I hope he's gay like Firion. (Skysenshi wants vindication.)

Oerba Yun Fang. Is probably the only reason I'd get Final Fantasy XIII for collection purposes. She reminds me somewhat of FFX-2's Paine, except they finally did something about the scary gothic getup.

Anyway, if you're still interested in knowing more about Final Fantasy XIII, you can read more about it in this section of the Fridge.

Screenshots courtesy of
Girls on Couch illustration by Hanna Angelica Ong
Final Fantasy XIII is copyright 2009 of Square Enix Co., Ltd.


  1. it's true!!!!! I'm so dissapointed with the gameplay..... I thought it will be greater than FF12 which I didn't like much because of the "gambit system" but now I like FF12 more than FF13. Just praying that FF13 versus and agito will be much better than its predecessor.

  2. the gameplay is really boring for me. Truth be told I'm too dissapointed with the gameplay. I can't even call it a game when I played it. I just hope that FF13 versus and agito will be much better than it's predecessor.

  3. haha hi miss! sumobra ako ng comment! LOL XDXDXD basta! ayaw yan FF13!!!! waiting for versus and agito!

  4. But the bida is a guy again. Corny. :D

  5. lol bakit kay fang handsome head?!XDDDDD

  6. Punta ulit sa condo ni Gege :D So I can try it! haha

  7. 'Cause her features are handsome. "Pretty" doesn't seem to fit the bill. When I researched her origins, I found out that the adjective was really apt. I read she was supposed to be originally male. Hehe. =^.^=

  8. Buti nalang magkaka FF13 sa XBOX360!! MWAHAHAHA. Meaning cheaper games! MGS: Rising is coming to the XBOX360 din!

  9. kaya ayaw ko rin bumili pa ng ps3 eh mas maganda kac games sa xbox360~ -_-

  10. @Jujuy: Paradigm Shift after the 1st 10 chapters? Hinde ah, may access ka na agad sa Paradigm shift immediately after magkaron ng 'med' or 'rav' si Lightning.. You don't have to wait that long..

  11. Wait, I forgot. What do we unlock after the first 10 chapters?

  12. Ahahaha. Ok, I admit it, FFXIII kinda disappointed me too! Mostly because of the lackluster unfolding of its 'storyline' :(. FFXIII's got a really good plot but it's told in a not so engaging way. They could've done so much more with it! Instead, all we got is Snow yapping about Serah 99% of the time.

    Well, I say "It's the 360s fault!" hahaha. I read somewhere that they had to remove a few elements of the game so that the 360, being the less powerful machine *hides from Microsoft fanboys/fangirls* could handle it. Hahaha v^_^v Hopefully Versus would stick solely with Sony. *Sony fangirl mode*

  13. WHAT gameplay? Methinks they sacrificed EVERYTHING for the cinematic visuals. Felt like playing a dumb bishoujo game. My six-year old can finish this non-game.

  14. I think since recent years, developers have mistaken gameplay for random button mashing. Except the button mashing in this game isn't so random anymore. It's just O. LOL.


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